Forgiveness

I’ve been reading Embodying Forgiveness and it talks about how we have minimized and disregarded the gravity of sin and what it takes to forgive. We have often been told and even demanded to forgive someone even when this has not been sought nor even elicited by the offender. Can one provide forgiveness without realizing the gravity of its damage and consequences? Is this true forgiveness in the spirit of how it was intended to be?
I disagree that forgiveness be demanded from someone when the offender might not be even aware of the offense and/or has not processed the extent of the offense and thus minimizing value of forgiveness. (the author actually even states that this minimizes Christ’s death on the cross and that Christ did not die in order for us to recklessly dispense forgiveness just because we think we “ought” to). The book further talks about how there are certain sins that might need be retained for a while in order to process and allow the other to realize the extent of their sin (such as sexual offenders or those who dish out grave offenses,), but that reconciliation (if the goal is to be reconciled with the offender) is not to be neglected is there is an honest intent by the offender to ask for this forgiveness. That forgiveness and reconciliation goes hand in hand. This begs the question of what does forgiveness mean and what does it look like. I am not sure, and I’m not certain that forgiveness is an instant phenomena that takes place once it is dispensed. I wonder if forgiveness is realized by walking alongside with the offender, if both are willing to process it through and have the intention to be reconciled with one another That forgiveness can be realized through having the right relationship with each other, and that this is what is true forgiveness.
anyways, things that i have been kinda thinking about....
sorry, this was supposed to include pics, but this is taking a long time and im freezing out here in the free internet bench:)